Helping Kids Navigate Big Emotions: Understanding Under-Regulation
- Evgenia Khilov
- Feb 20
- 2 min read
Understanding Under-Regulation in Children
When children struggle with their emotions, we often notice outbursts—crying, yelling, tantrums, and frustration spilling over for everyone to see. This is known as under-regulation, where emotions feel too big to contain and are expressed in overwhelming ways.
As parents, caregivers, and teachers, it’s important to recognize these moments as opportunities to help children understand, express, and regulate their emotions in a healthy way.
How Under-Regulation is Expressed
Children show under-regulation in different ways, depending on the emotions they are experiencing:
Anger & Frustration 😡
Yelling, screaming, or arguing
Hitting, kicking, or biting
Throwing objects
Clenching fists or stomping feet
Sadness & Distress 😢
Crying uncontrollably
Collapsing to the floor
Seeking excessive comfort from caregivers
Anxiety & Fear 😨
Pacing or restlessness
Nail-biting or hair-pulling
Clinging to caregivers
Excitement & Overstimulation 🤩
Talking excessively or loudly
Running around uncontrollably
Jumping or flapping hands
Interrupting conversations repeatedly
Impulsivity & Lack of Control ⚡
Acting without thinking
Taking risks or engaging in unsafe behavior
Laughing inappropriately or being disruptive
Struggling to follow directions
How to Support Kids Through Big Emotions
When faced with an intense emotional reaction, the first instinct many adults have is to fix it—to make the child feel better by reassuring them or dismissing their emotions with phrases like:
❌ “You don’t have to be sad.”
❌ “It’s not that big of a deal.”
❌ “Stop crying.”
But according to child psychology experts, the goal isn’t to make kids feel good—it’s to help them understand and process their emotions in a healthy way.
✔️ Accept and acknowledge their feelings
✔️Help them to feel something else, transform their emotions
✔️ Encouraging healthy expression of their feelings
✔️ Teach calming techniques when they are CALM
Final Thoughts: Raising Emotionally Resilient Kids
Helping children navigate big emotions isn’t about eliminating uncomfortable feelings—it’s about teaching them that emotions are normal, manageable, and temporary. When we validate their experiences and guide them toward healthy coping strategies, we empower them to grow into emotionally intelligent, resilient individuals.
Key Takeaways for Parents & Caregivers:
✔️ Under-regulation happens when kids struggle to manage intense emotions.
✔️ Instead of dismissing their feelings, accept and acknowledge them first.
✔️ Once emotions are validated, guide children toward healthy coping techniques.
✔️ Emotional regulation is a skill that develops over time with support and practice.
By showing patience, empathy, and understanding, we can help children develop the tools they need to navigate their emotions with confidence. 💙
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